General Reader’s question

Reader’s question : “She won’t talk, I do all the talking!”



Question from reader :

I had a girlfriend for about 2 yrs…long distance relationship…never met for like 9 months. We fight occasionally as she is busy all day long, never has time for me. Even during evening time she never talked, I did all the talking, she just listened to me. This ended up in a big fight. She said "Let's be friends, don't spoil our relationship, when we will be in a same town we will continue". She talks to me now, but for like after a week's gap so that we don't end up fighting again…can you suggest that should I talk to her?? She's coming over next week. Should i be normal or should I show my interest in her? Help please.

– Sanjeev, Jhansi




***My response***

Simple question for you.

Why should she talk to you?

She can talk to ANY guy she wants. One eye contact from a girl and most guys will be ready to talk.

So why should she talk to you? Why YOU?


No woman in the world owes you a conversation. Not your girlfriend, not your wife, not even your mother.

You cannot demand a conversation from her.

You have to inspire her to talk.

You have to create conditions that make her want to talk to you.


You say that you fight with her because she's too busy to talk to you. That sounds like a little boy who falls on the ground crying because his mom refused to give him extra candy. 
"I want more candy, waaaaaaaah"



Women don't f**k whiny little boys. They f**k real men.


A real man does not wait for a girl to get free to talk to him. Oh no. He is too busy with his projects, his dreams, his adventures.

He barely has time for women.

In fact, it's the women in his life who complain that he doesn't give them enough time.


Frankly, I think this girl has lost all attraction for you but she's too polite to say it. And the more you chase her, the more she wants to run away.

The best thing you can do right now is to STOP chasing her and focus on improving yourself.

Here are some tips for you to increase your value in her eyes, and maybe, just maybe, she'll get attracted again.


  1. Leave town
    I don't usually advise this extreme step, but yours is an extreme case. Get a job in another town. Why another town? Because, right now you are too predictable to her. When she comes to town, she KNOWS you are  there, waiting for her. Like the dogs, cats, cows and neighbours  in your mohalla, she knows you will there too, waiting. That's NOT attractive. Predictability kills attraction. Next time she comes to town, she should wonder…
    "Where is Sanjeev? Gone to another town??! Why? Why didn't he tell me? What is he doing there? Has he found another girl? Is she hot? Has he lost interest in me?"


    When a woman wonders about you, it's good for attraction. Keep her wondering. Never let a woman take you for granted. Always be unpredictable.

  2. Get busy
    You sound like you have too much free time. Do something with that time.If you don't have a job, get one. If you're employed, learn new skills that make you more valuable to your employer. Or join a class that teaches you fun skills like playing a musical instrument or salsa dancing. Or join a gym and get into shape. Or travel. Not only do these activities keep you busy, they make you a better man and they also give you conversation topics to keep her interested. Your time becomes more precious, and she'll value the time you spend with her. A busy man is an attractive man.
  3. Dress more fashionably
    I don't know what you dress like, but my gut feel says that you dress boring. Pick from fashion ideas here and improve the way you look.


So, should you talk to her when she comes over next week?


Should you even meet her?


Should you even be in town?


You should be far away somewhere, anywhere, doing something, anything!


Women are attracted to men who are out there, busy following a dream.

Do you have a dream? Do you have a maksad (purpose) in life?

If you don't have one, get one.

It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it is something you passionately believe in.

Get so busy with that maksad, that the girl should complain you are not giving her enough time, she should complain that you don't talk but only listen. She should be the one whining, not you.

Once in a while, meet her, pin her down, eat her from head to toe, give her mind blowing orgasms, f**k her hard and then….GET BACK to being busy with your maksad, your purpose, your dreams.

That's the way of the real man.



Got a dating question? Click here



Reader’s question

Reader’s question : “She wanted to meet, I chickened out, can I still get her?”



Question from reader :

sir i met a girl on orkut, she is a model. i m in the army i got her no frm her scrap so we started talking on fone. initially we spoke for longer time den once she asked me to meet her but i look below average so i made excuse and avoided to meet her. at that time she behaved normally but after some days she started avoiding my calls and msgs so i become more despo like a psycho and i calld her many times. den once she attended my call and told me not to call her again. we had heated conversation. after dat i stopped for some days bt one day i saw her on her scooty after dat till now i m calling her msging her for forgivenes but she is not answering any of msgs nor calls. plzz help me how i can get her back. i dont have her address.

– amar, mumbai



***My response***

You can't get her back because she now sees you as a low-value male.

Women avoid low-value males. They are mentally programmed (by nature) to be  attracted to only high-value males.

Read this previous post and come back here.


Let's look at all the things you did wrong and the one thing you did right.


You were not in a hurry to meet her. Good! 

Most men are in a rush to meet the girl. Within minutes of talking, they ask her out.

But you were not in a hurry. This made you come across as non-needy.

It made you look like you already had women in your life.

It made you stand out from all the other guys.

It intrigued her, even created some attraction.

She didn't know that you're afraid and lacking self confidence (that's easy to conceal on the phone).

She wanted to meet you and see if she could take things forward with you.




You refused to meet her. Not good.

When you made an excuse to not meet her, she got confused. It made her wonder about you.

Even if this has never happened to her before, her friends would have shared stories about guys who are roaring tigers on the phone, but pussies in real life.

(you didn't say what excuse you gave for not meeting, but I'm guessing it was something lame)

As a result, she saw you as a low value man. And she lost attraction for you.


Lesson for all readers : Most girls don't know that men are afraid to meet and talk to girls. When guys don't approach, she thinks it's because SHE is not attractive enough. She usually doesn't realize that it's the guy who is terrified of approaching. With time, experience, and through stories from friends, girls learn about the male fear of approaching.


Btw, even if you want to postpone the meeting, you should give a high value excuse.

Example :

She : "Let's meet"

You : "Hellooo, I barely know you and you want to meet already?! How do I know you're not a psycho?! Let's talk for a while, until I know you're safe."




She : "Let's meet"

You : "Where are you taking me for coffee? Don't take me to some chota coffee shop, I only have coffee at expensive places"

She : "Why should I take you out? It's the guy who takes the girl out, blah, blah…"

You : "Helloooo, I am the hunk remember? Girls take hunks out, girls buy hunks gifts."

She : "Oh really? Blah, blah…"

You : "Btw, how do you plan to entertain me during the coffee?"

She : "Entertain? Why should I entertain? Blah, blah…"

You : "Excuse me, we can't have just coffee. I get bored easily. Don't you have plans to entertain me? Like, can you do mimicry? Can you sing? Say funny jokes? not your usual lame ones, but really funny jokes? No? Hey bhagwan, kaisi boring chokri se paala pada hai mera"



You cut short the mating sequence. Bad.

The male and female of every living species (squirrels, frogs, spiders, tigers, penguins, flies, gorillas, mosquitoes, humans…) go through a mating sequence of 3 steps.

1) Attraction    2) Comfort    3) Seduction


First, the male attracts the female by displaying high value behaviour.

Next, male builds comfort until the female is convinced that he is safe and will stay with her after sex.

Finally, the male seduces the female and has sex with her.


You did the first step OK. You created some attraction by showing no eagerness to meet her (or because you are in the army or perhaps because you speak well, or because of a combination of the three).

Now she wanted to meet you to build comfort and perhaps get seduced.

She wanted to go through the mating sequence. 1, 2, 3.

By refusing to meet her, you cut short the mating sequence!


This does not happen in nature. This is abnormal behaviour.

And as you know, we are all programmed to stay away from abnormal people.

So she moved away from you.


If you want to learn the detailed scientific basis behind the mating sequence read The Red Queen



You became "despo" and started calling her like a "psycho". Very bad!

When she wanted to meet you, you didn't meet her. So she moved on.

But you continue to call her. Why?

Why are you calling her when YOU showed that you're not interested in her?

Example: A credit card salesman calls you and says he wants to meet you. You refuse to meet him. But you call him continuously. Isn't that abnormal behaviour?


In fact, you showed abnormal behaviour TWICE. First, when you cut short the mating sequence by avoiding meeting her. Next, when you called her continuously even after showing lack of interest in her.


It is natural for her to see you as a VERY abnormal person and avoid you. All humans are wired to avoid anything abnormal in nature.


It's like when you see a woman with diseased lips and face.

She looks abnormal. Does it matter that she has beautiful eyes, lovely hair and sexy breasts? 

Would you kiss JUST her eyes and stroke JUST her hair?


You'll want to avoid her totally, because she is ABNORMAL.


That's why this girl  is not taking your calls.

She is avoiding you because you've displayed abnormal behaviour.


Now you want to get her back.

I am afraid you can't. It's almost impossible.

In fact, it's easier for you to get 3 new girls who are HOTTER than her, than it is to get this girl back.


Stalker alert !
I must point out that you're beginning to behave like a stalker. If she complains to the cops you could be in trouble with all the evidence
she has in in her phone.


I know you're regretting not meeting her when you had the chance, and now you desperately want her back. But there's nothing you can do except learn from the experience and move on. Such things have happened to most guys, including me. If we ever meet, remind me to tell you the stupid things I have done that made girls run far, far away from me. And yes, I have also avoided meeting girls who liked me, because I thought she may not like me in person. It happens to guys all the time.


Btw, since your "below average" looks is bothering you, here's some gyaan that I have learnt the hard way.

For a man, good looks is all VISUAL. If a woman is "good looking" he is attracted to her.

But for a woman, good looks is mostly MENTAL. When a man is good looking it is not enough for her, she wants to hear him talk, she wants to see his body language, she is more attracted to personality and inner confidence, than looks.


I prove this to students at our bootcamps and workshops. I don't change anything about my students except the way they dress, walk and talk. And suddenly they become "good looking" to women.


Here are some fashion ideas we implement at our events. Try them out on yourself today at a store near you.




Got a dating question? Click here

Missed my previous post?
Due to bug in my blog, some of you missed my previous post. You'll find it here
"I proposed like a fattu, can I still get her?"



Reader’s question

Reader’s question: “I proposed like a fattu, can I still get her?”




Question from reader :

I m giving all my details. I have a major problem. My name is Anthony (name changed) I m 5ft 9in tall medium build and complexion. My bad luck is I got acne vulgaris, luckily my face was not mostly effected by it but still it has left marks on my face. My chest and back are completely f**ked up with acne scars. I m goin under treatment now, I m a li’l fine but these scars and acne are decreasing my confidence. I m a good looking guy but these things are f**king me like hell !

Here’s the scene. I like a gal, 8-10 months back I fell in love with her. Not like love at 1st sight but after 3 months I felt she was my type of gal. I asked her what kind of guy she liked she said anyone who she loves. She didn’t have any problems with looks n $$ ! But after meeting her after 6 months I proposed her on FB, because I didn’t have the confidence to say it face to face. She said NO and gave the reason that she has a crush on a guy whom she wanna marry and all blah blah blah. And just 2 months after that she met a new guy frm our college but different class. The guy proposed her and she accepted his proposal but now she’s kind of bored with that guy. Also that guy is good looking and rich and the guy is spending too much and doing just like Shahid Kapoor in your blog post! Will this relation last long and can I still get this gal ? And why she said no to me, bcoz of my looks or bcoz of my fattu type proposal on FB? And in acne vulgaris condition how can I increase my confidence and in this condition can I get any gal ???

– Anthony, Mumbai



***My response***

At the end of this mail, I have provided an acne solution that I know has worked for another client.


Ok, now about your dating question.


She rejected you, not because of your acne, but because you were acting needy.

You were needing her approval, needing her love, needing her to say YES.

Women don’t like needy men.

Women like men who DON’T need them, men who need nothing, men who are
having fun with what they have, men who are content with themselves.


Even before your ‘fattu type’ proposal on FB, you have done many things
which kept lowering her attraction for you.

Let me point them out one by one, from your own mail.



Mistake 1 : ” I asked her what kind of guy she liked…”

When you ask a girl that question, what she hears is this

“I am interested in you but I don’t think you’ll like me the way I am,
so tell me what
 kind of guy you like, so I can try to become that guy,
then maybe you’ll like me”


She gets the impression that you like her but believe that you don’t deserve her.


Letting her know that you like her is bad enough, but combined with a  lack of
confidence it becomes doubly bad.


So what should you have done?


You shouldn’t care about what kind of guy she likes.

You should just be fun to hang out with. Go read this post right now and come back here.


Here’s an example of what you could’ve done.

When she replied to your question and said she likes guys who she loves,
you should have teased her immediately.

You should have pointed to the most dorky looking guy on the street and said,
“How about him, do you love him? Let me go ask him if he loves you, and maybe I
can get you guys married right now”.

Then you should have run up to the dorky guy, pointed in the girl’s direction and
asked something random like, “Did you see a bike parked there?” The guy will usually look
in her direction, shake his head and say “No” or “I don’t know” and walk away.

Then you walk back to the girl, shrug your shoulders and say, “Even that dorky guy 
doesn’t love you, what do I do with you now?!”

Can you imagine what’s going on in the girl’s mind at this time?

She’s thinking…

“I don’t believe you did that!”

“What the hell… did you really ask the guy that?” 

“How could you do that, are you nuts!”

“You are soooo bad, what must that man be thinking of me!”

“And how dare he say he doesn’t love me, the dork!”

“Oh my God, I can’t predict what Anthony will do next, I’d better watch out”

“There is never a dull moment when Anthony is around!”

“Anthony is fun!”

“I think…I am getting attracted to Anthony” 


THAT is how you create attraction. By keeping her on her toes, by never being
predictable, by keeping her wondering about what will come next.


The next time you’re interacting with a girl, stop wondering about whether
she likes you, and instead keep HER wondering about what you’ll do next.


Mistake 2 : “…after 6 months I proposed her on FB”

That, my friend, proclaimed loud and clear that you are a man
without testicles.


And women are not attracted to such men. Period.


But don’t beat yourself up for it. Every single guy reading this blog
(and the guy writing it) has done something similar or worse when it
comes to interacting with women.


We have all been there, done that. Learn the lesson, dust yourself and move on.


So, can you still get the girl?

Frankly, I don’t think so.

Why not? Because, the way to get a girl is to NOT BE AFRAID of losing her.

But I find you’re still afraid. You still want her. You’re still waiting for her.

Like a sad little puppy dog waits for its master to give it some food.

Women play with puppy dogs, not f**k them.

Women want to f**k bold, confident, real men who are living a fun life without
waiting for a woman.


Bottomline : If you change the way you interact with women, it’ll be easier for you to
get 3 new hot girls than it is to get the old girl back. Because, the new girls don’t know
there used to be a sad puppy dog inside you. And the old girl can never forget that.



Acne solution
Before writing this reply I emailed a client who had suffered from severe acne and is now acne-free.
He uses an American product called Proactiv (which is a 3-step system) and he swears by it. It has to
be used continuously but apparently it works wonders. I have seen him with his acne and without.
This product works. Even though the product is sold over the counter, 
and anyone can probably
purchase it without a prescription, please know that I am NOT a doctor, so please 
consult your
dermatalogist before using it. Go to and search for Proactiv. I believe you can 
buy it
in India too, but given the many fake products in Indian markets, I suggest you take a good look at
the product on Amazon before purchasing it locally so you can be sure you’re getting the real thing.



Got a dating question? Click here


Reader’s question

Question : “I see her riding a scooter. How do I attract her?”


Question from reader :

Hey Shiva, this is Sameer (name changed). I want to ask you about
how to attract a woman, not a girl. Actually she is older than me, I m
just 23 and she is 32 or 35 may be. So I want to attract that woman.
She looks amazing and I see her riding her Activa scooter, not regularly
but sometimes. I just want to attract her towards myself. So please
guide me how to attract her towards me. I just love her.

– Sameer, Patiala




***My response***


Your only interaction with her has been watching her ride her scooter.

You haven’t talked to her, you don’t know if she is intelligent, if she
is loyal, if she has body odour or bad breath, if she has diseases,
if she is interesting to talk to, if she is from a good family, or even if
she is mentally stable.


You know nothing about her. And yet you “love” her already??!

You know what says about you?

It says you’re a lonely, desperate loser, with no women, no fun,
no friends, and nothing going on in your life.

Nothing personal Sameer, I’m only telling you what’s obvious.


And if that’s obvious to me (just from your mail) how much more
obvious would it be to that woman when she sees you stare at her
like a sad puppy dog.


So my question to you : why should a beautiful woman like her
be attracted to a lonely, desperate loser like you?

Think about that.

Of all the men she can be with, why should she be with you?


Women are not attracted to desperate losers with no women.

Women are attracted to confident winners who have multiple women.


So what should you do?


You have to let her know that you’re a confident, interesting man with
a choice of women in your life. You have to communicate to her that
you are intrigued by her but not yet sure if you like her.


Here’s what you could do.

  • First, stop falling in “love” with women before they prove
    that they are worthy of your love.
  • Next, stop staring at her like a hungry puppy dog. Whenever
    she sees you, you should be having fun, laughing with your
    friends or into your cell phone.
  • Talk to her. The next time you see her coming by, wave
    her down. When she stops…
    You :
    “Hey, I have a quick question, very important. I am
    thinking of getting a tattoo. Do you think it’ll look hotter on
    my arm or on my wrist?” Ask with bold, confident
    body-language and voice.

    (confused) : “Uh…”

    You (smiling) : “Actually… I just wanted to talk to you. I see you
    all the time on your phat-phatee and you look cute from a
    distance. And I wanted to see how you look up close” *pause*
    “And you’re not bad!”

    : “Blah, blah…”

    (smiling) : “I am Sameer. What’s your name?”

    : “Blah, blah…”

    : “Listen, I wish I had the time to talk to you, but I have to go.
    But I think…*pause*….I want to talk to you again. Let me quickly
    grab your number and I’ll give you a call later. If you sound fun on
    the phone, maybe we could hang out” (take out your cellphone and
    wait for her to give you her number)


  • Then take things forward on the phone.
    And by the way, address her only as PhatPhatee, not by her real name.
    Example: If you’re sending her an sms, say Hey PhatPhatee, thinking of me? 😉



I know what you’re thinking.

  • What if she does not stop her scooter?
  • What if she does not answer my question?
  • What if she does not give me her number?
  • What if she asks me to get lost?

So what?
Whether you get the girl or not is not important.

What’s important is that you TAKE ACTION.

Karm kar, phal ki chinta chhod.


If you take action, there is at least a chance that she will stop
the scooter, at least a chance that she will answer your question,
at least a chance that she will give you her number, at least a
chance that you two will get together.

But if you don’t take action, there is NO CHANCE.
You can spend all your life staring at her but nothing will happen.



Got a dating question? Click here



Reader’s question

Question : “I am a handsome guy, why don’t girls approach me?”

Question from reader :

Hey, I m a good looking guy planning to be a model. My main problem is I have too much ego problem. According to me girls should approach me first because I m so good looking. At the same time I am nervous to approach girls. Every girl I talk to puts me in the  friend zone . They say “I love u as a friend”. I feel like banging my head on a wall..I m literally pissed off and frustrated.

– P.K., Saharanpur




***My response***


Understand this important difference between men and women.


Men are attracted to looks. Women are attracted to confidence.


When a man sees beautiful breasts, he is attracted and ready to
have sex with the owner of the breasts. But when a woman sees
a man with a great body, she is NOT attracted, just intrigued.
Only after she hears him talk and sees him move with confidence,
can she decide if she is attracted.


Why is that?


Why do women give more importance to confidence than good looks?


I’ll explain. Listen carefully.


For thousands of years we lived in the jungle. Our deepest instincts
are still shaped by our life in the jungle. When a woman gets pregnant in
the jungle, she needs her man to go out, hunt and bring food for her
and her baby. She needs a man who will protect her from enemy tribes and
wild animals. She needs a man who has the strength to build a house for
her protection. In short, she needs a confident and strong man.


In the jungle, a good looking man who is unable to hunt for food is useless.
His woman and baby will starve to death. Even if he has six-pack abs, but
no courage to fight enemies and wild animals, she and her baby could
get killed. Even if he looks cute but is unable to build a house for her and her
baby, they could get killed by exposure to sun and rain.


That’s why women feel no attraction for handsome hunks who will stare
from a distance but have no courage to approach.


That’s why women are attracted to men who may be short, fat and ugly
but have the courage to approach and talk to them.

Because in the jungle, courage in a partner is more useful for her survival
than good looks.


The girls you talk to see you as a friend and not as a lover. But you have not
mentioned what do you talk to them about, what are the things you say?
Remember, when you send me a question, provide as much information as
possible. My guess is you’re relying on your good looks to create attraction.
That doesn’t work with women. A man has to actively flip a woman’s attraction
switches to make her see him as a lover.




Got a dating question? Click here


Just 1 seat left in the bootcamp of August 26- 28.
Learn the art of approaching and attracting women, anywhere.





Reader’s question

Question : I see her going to tuition daily, how do I approach her?


Hey buddy…i have a question regarding a girl whom i like…i have a attraction to that girl. i want that girl in my life. she is a very beautiful girl goes to her tuition everyday. i just see that girl everyday while going to tuition only.. plzz tell me what should i do to attract her because she doesnt know me at all. i regularly see her while going to tuition only..i thought that i ll stop her in the road and talk to her …but i have read your many articles in which you told that its not good to stop a girl in the road bcoz it feels creepy. So i m asking you plzz help me to attract her towards me. she has no attraction towards me. but i still want to create it so plzz help…..
– S, Patiala


Approaching on the road feels creepy to a woman only if you’ve
been lying in wait for her like a cheetah waiting to pounce on an
unsuspecting gazelle.


Guys will wait (outside a girl’s college, office, house) and then
just as she steps outside….*Bam!*…they approach. Creeepy!!!!!!!


Women are quite intuitive. They can sense when an approach
has been planned in advance. They find it a turn-off.


What women prefer is spontaneity.

They prefer it when an approach just happens…naturally!


Even if your approach is pre-planned, you have to make it look natural.


Follow the below tips to make your approach look natural and
improve the chances of her wanting to talk to you.



Avoid doing these things when you approach

  • Staring at her from a distance before approaching her
  • Waiting for her by a wayside store and then approaching
    her just as she passes
  • Approaching her frontally (face to face)
  • Appearing too serious and stiff, as if this is a big deal for you
  • Treating her like she is a celebrity and you are her fan
  • Asking boring interview style questions like, what’s your name
    where do you live, which college etc.
  • Giving compliments early or letting her know you like her,
    without making her work for it.
  • Displaying low-value with nervous fidgeting or a meek voice
  • Being clingy. Sticking to her and not letting her go.



Do this when you approach

  • She should see you having fun before you approach.  Be laughing
    with your friend,  or (if you’re alone) laugh into your cellphone
    as if you’re having a fun conversation.
  • Smile as you approach
  • Open over your shoulder (not face-to-face)
  • Have an open, confident body language and a bold voice
  • Have a conversation starter that engages her emotional
    mind, not one that makes her think logically.
  • Let her know that you can’t stay for long. Say something like
    “Quick question, and then I have to go”




It takes a lot of effort to appear effortless. But once you understand the key
principles, you can then make it part of your natural style, without effort.

That’s what we teach guys at the Real Man Academy.


General Reader’s question

Question from reader : How to approach a girl in a ladies’ store


First of all i would like to say thanks for starting such a great website which helps angry lonely losers like me to get girls. I was a shy nice guy few months ago but after reading all these articles that women hate shy nice guys, i have build up some confidence. But still i need some more work. I have changed myself to 50% to bad boy which girls love so much but still 50% is remaining. Now i have a strange situation. There is a girl whom i like & she works in a shop. My instincts say she also likes me. She has no boyfriend so i might get a chance. But the main problem is that how & where i approach her. I cannot just walk in the shop and start conservation because the shop is of ladies clothes and also there are co-workers in the shop. There is nothing to buy for a man. Now if i approached her on the road when she leaves for home she might feel threatened. Can you help me ? I am not able to decide how & where should i approach her. I am 25yrs old.

– R, Bhopal


First, I’d like to immediately correct the way you think.


Women are not turned off by “nice guys”.


Women are turned off by “weak guys”.


Nice is different from weak.


Taking her out for dinner is being nice. Taking her out for
dinner in the hope that she will sleep with you is being weak.


Buying her flowers is being nice. Buying her flowers to make her
like you is being weak.


Pulling a chair out for her in a restaurant is being nice.
Doing it to impress her is weak.


Unfortunately a lot of  weak, spineless behaviour is being
wrongly clubbed under “nice guy” behaviour.


What women are really looking for is a nice guy who is strong.

Example : When I enter a restaurant or a café with her, I’ll stand next
to the table and say “You want to pull out a chair for me?”

She’ll laugh and say “Shut up” or hit my hand…and I’ll roll my eyes and
tell the people at the next table, “Guys, chivalry is truly dead!” and
then I’ll pull out a chair for her.

Can you see how powerful that is? I’m being the nice guy, but without
sucking up to her. I’m being the nice guy who is strong.


And now, onto your specific question about approaching a saleswoman
in a store for ladies.

I have embedded my responses to various parts of your question.


>> She has no boyfriend so i might get a chance.

Never worry about whether a woman has a boyfriend or not.

Focus only on being an attractive man.

Women will often say they have a boyfriend even if they don’t.
Or even if they do have a boyfriend they could be looking to upgrade. 😉


>> I cannot just walk in the shop and start conservation
>> because the shop is of ladies clothes and also there are
>> co-workers in the shop

Of course you can just walk in and talk to her.

The problem is not in the situation. The problem is in YOUR HEAD.

Here’s a fact about human behaviour : We worry that people are
looking at us and judging us. But fact is, people are worried that we
are looking at them and judging them.

If you’re looking to buy a dress for your 7 year old niece’s
birthday, would you worry about walking into a ladies store?
Of course not. You’d just walk in and start looking. You may even
ask a saleswoman to suggest dress ideas for a 7 year old girl.
You may even ask this particular saleswoman.


>> Now if i approached her on the road when she
>> leaves for home she might feel threatened

You’re right. She might find that creepy.

It’s what most guys do. They wait until the girl is alone to approach her.

You don’t want a woman to think you’re the same as the other guys.

You want to stand out.


Note : approaching a woman when she is all alone, seems easy to do.
But because it gives out a creepy vibe, it’s actually HARDER to create
attraction that way.



So here’s what you could do.

  1. Walk into the store confidently, walk up to the saleswoman you’re
    interested in, smile, tell her about your niece’s birthday, ask her to
    suggest dress ideas.
  2. As she’s showing you dresses, check your phone as if you just got a
    text message. Smile and tell her you’re having this argument with your
    cousin sister and you need a quick opinion. Ask her what do women look
    for in a guy, money or looks ? Tell her about your cousin sister who just
    dumped her rich boyfriend because he is too short. Ask if it’s normal
    for girls to do that or is your cousin just crazy? When she gives an
    opinion, act pleasantly surprised by it and say, “Hmmm… pehle toh
    mujhe aap buddhoo jaise lagi. Par ab, thodi bahut akalmand lag rahi ho.
    Naam kya hai aap ka?”
    (Translation : You know, you looked like a dork when I first saw you,
    but now I think you are kinda sensible. What’s your name?)
  3. Then get back to the dress selection. Short list 2 dresses. Say you’ll find
    out your neice’s exact height and come back for the right size.
  4. Take out your phone, say “If I have any questions I want to call you.
    Give me your number.” If she offers to give the store number, look into her
    eyes, smile and say confidently, “No, no…YOUR number”


Since you say she already has some attraction for you, the above approach should work.


If she didn’t know you at all, then qualify her some more before getting her number.
Example: After she shows you some dresses, ask her “Are you creative? Fashionable?
Interesting? Then why are you showing me such boring dresses?”
(said with a smile,
of course). When she shows you nicer dresses, express your satisfaction.


Once you have her number, take things forward on the phone.



Reader’s question

Question from a woman : “Why do men need these mind games?”

I hope you don’t mind questions from female readers because I have one and I’ll be
frank. I recently came across your blog and and I was curious about the advice you
give men. Why do men need to play these ridiculous mind games and use silly lines to
attract a a woman. The key to finding your true love is to just be authentic. Just be
yourself. Thats anyday more attractive than men with a bunch of pickup lines.

-R.R., Bengaluru



You know what, men would love to be themselves.

Men would love to be authentic.

Men would love to walk up to a beautiful woman and say, “I am attracted to you.
Let’s exchange numbers, so we can meet later and have wild, passionate sex.”

But it won’t work.

Even if he says something tame like, “I want to take you out for coffee, let’s exchange
numbers and I’ll call you”,
it still won’t work.

And do you know why it won’t work?

Because the guy is making himself too easily available.

And women don’t value that.

Nothing in this world has value unless you have to work for it.

No matter how authentic, sincere, talented or interesting a man, he cannot
trigger attraction in a woman unless she finds herself working for his approval.

Women want a man who is a challenge.

And that’s what we try to teach every man.

We teach him how to be a challenge, so that a woman is intrigued enough to want to
give him the time of day to display his authentic self.

Remember, these are women’s rules. We are merely playing by them. 😉




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General Reader’s question

Question from reader : “Does this pickup thing work on Indian women?”

Click "Display images" to see the image

Question from reader :

hey guys,  i know most of the pickup methods by reading their books , watching videos but there is still 1 thing my mind doesn’t accept “IS THIS APPLICABLE IN INDIA TOO?” unlike the west where people including women have independent n open mind. i m above average looking guy, funny, don’t have much experience of approaching (i approached when i first came to know pickup  method in malls, didn’t work well, I said my cheezy pickup line to 3 women and they replied coldly “what…do i know u??? “ i never approached after that day, fear is all over my mind n think abt the same very question everyday). in case these pickup methods are applicable in india, can u tell specifically abt approaching girls in the open (streets) standing or walking to some place like in buses, parks, shops etc.

– m, new delhi


I can usually tell whether a guy’s question comes  from actual approaching experience or from his imagination. And my guess is you’re imagining negative scenarios without approaching much. 🙂


I know because I have been there. I have spent months looking at women from a distance wondering why would they want to talk to a complete stranger like me?!


But the good news is, women do respond to the man who approaches the right way.

And this is true in the US, in Europe, in India, in Nepal and in the Bahamas. Also in Timbuktu.


So what is the right way to approach?

The right way is to show that you are already having fun and that you don’t need her (or anybody else) to have a good time. Your body language and voice tone should display more interest in what you have to say than in her and her friends.


You say you used a “cheezy pickupline”. I don’t know what line you used, but remember :  the magic is not in the words, it’s in the delivery.

If a comedian walks up on stage and reads out his material from a script, it will NOT be funny.

Only when he is really involved in his material and is really telling it to his audience that it becomes funny.

My guess is you’re not connecting with the girls. You’re just blurting out your lines and hoping it works, like some magic mantra.


Some suggestions for you :

  1. Stop using cheesy pickup lines, and get some interesting material to start conversations with women. There are thousands of pickup routines you can google for free. Or try our popular PocketPUA, a collection of great routines that work in India.
  2. When you first talk to a woman,  don’t show that you’re attracted to her (even if you are). Talk to her, show her that you’re an interesting guy without hitting on her. Only (and only) after she reveals something about her inner qualities, something that she was not born with, something that has taken her some effort to achieve,  only then should you show your curiosity and interest in her. Make her earn your attraction, don’t hand it on a platter. Hint : Low-value males are attracted to just looks. High value males are not easily attracted, they need more than just looks.
  3. Body language and voice tone are two important indicators of whether a man is high-value or low-value. Here’s a quick tip for each. Body language tip : When you first talk to her, don’t face her directly, talk over your shoulder. Voice tip : Speak loudly, slowly and clearly. Make sure everyone in her group hear you.


Reader’s question

Question from reader : “2 weeks of love, and now just friends…help!”

Question from reader :


Background: This girl approached me through my cousin and sent me sms saying I wanna be your friend, I responded positively and after couple of days of regular texting we spoke on phone one night, our first conversation was about 1 hour long and we both enjoyed talking to each other.

We had few more phone conversations and finally met each other. Everything went great, i was confident, my body language was up to mark, everything was almost as you mention a man should be
(I am a regular reader of your tips and follow your website), so this girl looked comfortable and we had great time, had couple of more dates and after exactly 7 days of meeting each other, s
he sent me a message.

She: Honey
Me: Yes
She: I love you
Me: (after couple of minutes ) Me too
Then on the next meeting she said that she loves me a lot and she is confused that how can she fall in love in so less time… Even i was amazed.
After that we kissed
Next Date we kissed on Lips
Next Date i said I Love you to her verbally
After that we stated meeting every other day like 3 times a week and they all were good dates as one should be.
Everything was running smooth till 15th day from when she said I love you to me.
She messaged
She : Vikram can i tell you one thing but i fear you will feel bad
Me : na just tell me
She : I still think you will not feel good after hearing this
Me : What is it, jus tell.
She : Vikram i don’t love you , i think it was an initial attraction and i don’t get that feeling any more.
Me: ???
She: i know you will feel bad but i think until i don’t feel it again we should be friends
Me : its ok , i am not feeling bad at all , its good that u know whats your doing.
Now the thing is i am super confused that what is going on here , why after being a good lover
I ended up in a “friends zone”
I like this girl and want to get back as her lover rather than just friends.
I hope you get my story and please let me know if you need more details , but I think I have written pretty much everything as it happened.
We now friends and do see each other but there is not intimacy as it was earlier .
One more thing she had a breakup 1 week before she met me , Her boyfriend dumped her for other girl .
She mentioned to me that she used to Love him.
Regards, Vikram [name changed]



***My response***

It’s obvious.

You behaved like a real man and got the girl.

You stopped behaving like a real man and lost the girl.

Just like what happened to Vivek Oberoi.

When a woman meets a real man, she cannot help but feel attraction.

And because most of the men she meets do not behave like you did, she
“felt confused” about how she could fall in love so quickly.

This had never happened to her before. And she was loving it.

You should have continued doing what you did.

Instead, you made the mistake that 99% of  guys make.

You stopped being the real man as soon as you got the girl.


Let me use your sms exchange to explain what you did wrong.

She: Honey
Me: Yes
She calls you honey and you say “Yes” ?!
By doing that, you walked into her reality.
You let her know that her reality is stronger than yours.
You let her know that she has won you already, that you’re no more a challenge to her.
That is not attractive to women.
So how should you have responded?
She: Honey
Me: wooooooo…babes we hv not even made love n u r honeying me already? sloooow down… 😉
With this response you’re telling her that your reality is stronger than hers.
You’re telling her that she has not yet won you over, and she still has some proving to do.
You’re being a challenge.
This is attractive to women.
Let’s look at the next part of your sms exchange.
She: I love you
Me: (after couple of minutes ) Me too


You walked into her reality. Again. Within minutes!

And this time it’s the dreaded ‘L’ word!

Never tell a woman “I love you”.

It makes her feel you’re fidaa over her, that you’re no longer a challenge for her.

This reduces her attraction.

So how could you have responded differently?


She: I love you
Me:  I know 😉


Of course, these are just your sms mistakes. You must have made similar mistakes on the phone,
verbally in person, with your body language, with your voice, with your responses to her questions,
and the many subtle mistakes like always answering her phone eagerly, always being available for her,
putting your life on hold to be always available for a date with her, never being busy with your own life…
all of which I cannot see and so I cannot comment on them specifically.


You still met and kissed after the first sms exchange. But that was because her initial attraction was so
strong that she gave you the benefit of doubt and hoped that you would not become weak again.—–

But unfortunately you did show weakness. In the next 15 days you’ve probably made many more such
mistakes, verbally and non-verbally (think carefully, and you’ll realize every single mistake you made).

And you convinced her beyond doubt that you have fallen for her.


Women are not attracted to fallen men. Women are attracted to strong men.

You stopped being the strong man she was attracted to.

Naturally, she lost the attraction.


So what should you do to get her back?

My frank advice  :  forget her and move on.


Here’s an example to help you understand.
Suppose you’re attracted to a beautiful girl. After dating her for a while, and after some passionate
kissing, you find that she actually used to be a man who has changed her sex to become a woman.
You lose all attraction for her. It doesn’t matter how attracted you were to her before. You’re not
attracted to her any more! The girl is sad. She asks her girlfriend for advice on how to attract you again.
Can her friend help her?



Similarly, it’s near impossible to make a woman think you’re a real man once she is convinced you are not.


And the more you try to convince her to be attracted to you again, the more pathetic you will appear.

In fact your best shot at attracting her again is to make her SEE you dating other girls.

And once you do date other girls, you may not want to date her again. 🙂

Treat her as a wonderful lesson that helped you. Use the lessons you’ve learnt and try not to repeat
these mistakes with the next girl. And even if you do, no problem, learn the lesson and move on.

I am sure more awesome women are waiting for you out there.

And by the way, don’t wait for your cousin to bring you girls. Get out there and approach.


P.S. You have not mentioned if you had sex with her, and I don’t know if you’re a good lover. But one
way to keep a woman attracted to you is to rock her world in the bedroom. Most guys are lousy lovers.
When you know how to make love to a woman, how to touch her, how to kiss her and how to give her
mindblowing orgasms, a woman will never want to lose you. That’s why my workshops now include
education in how to make love to women.


And now, here’s a question from another reader.
I am including this just to show you how NOT to send a question.

Hey shiva,  Its Aditya here…..hope u were good  but shiva my life is horrible…..I jsut went through ur real man and i m quite impressed..i need ur help….i just want to be a good pick up artist…as i m an engg student ..there are lots of girls in my college but i dont have the balls to approach..i need ur help…..plz help me…by which i can seduce a girl as well as pick up a girl….plz help me dude.  Aditya [name changed]


***My comment***

When you expect me to give you a life-changing response, the least I expect you to do is invest some effort to
give me sufficient information of your situation.

Remember, when you send me a question, the more info you provide, the better I can help.

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