Categories
Reader’s question

How to avoid ‘rejection’ while approaching women


“I love one girl in my college. How can I approach
her without getting rejected?”

-Abhi  T, Lucknow

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****My comment***

Don’t try to AVOID rejection.

Try to NOT CARE  when a rejection happens.

Here’s an example.

When you practice shooting basketball, do you care when you miss the basket?

Do you go, “Aww, the basket rejected my ball, it does not like me” 🙁

Ha, ha…of course not! You grab the ball and shoot again and again and again,
with a slight correction each time. It’s just a game. You’re just practicing.

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Approaching women is also just a game. When you get a rejection, it’s your
approach that was rejected, not YOU personally. Learn the lesson, apply the
correction, move on and approach another woman or group.

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You’re just practicing so that some day when you see the girl you
REALLY want, you know exactly what to do.

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The only way to get this mindset of not caring, is by approaching a LOT of women.

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When you go out and approach women, the first 3 to 4 approaches may not go well.
But don’t take that personally, treat them like warm-up approaches, and continue to
approach more women, until a magical thing happens.

You soon find yourself in a new mindspace. Now you don’t care any more!

And because you don’t care, your approaches become even better and you face even
less rejections, which make you feel even better and now your approaches look even cooler…
it’s like a loop. Get it?

Even if you intellectually understand what I’m saying, you will not TRULY get it until
you go out and approach.

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There are thousands of beautiful women around. Next time you see one, say to yourself,
“Aha, another basketball shot, let’s see how this one goes”

And approach.

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Categories
Reader’s question

“How do I chat online with my office colleague and get a date?”

I work in an office where thousands of its employees are connected through an internal chat system which helps in getting work done amongst themselves. How to have a good flirtatious chat with a colleague without being too pushy and also how to end the chat by getting a date.

– Ravi, Mumbai

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What you’re really asking is, “How do I have sex with my colleague without displaying any courage?”

And my response is : WHY would a woman have sex with a guy who has not displayed courage?

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All females (of all animal species) are programmed to be attracted only to males who demonstrate a confident personality. Don’t believe me? Watch Nat Geo/Discovery documentaries.

And chatting on the internet does NOT display confidence or personality.

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Here’s an example :

Suppose you see the girl you are interested in sitting in the company cafeteria with a group of friends.

Now, it takes some balls to sit on the opposite table and make eye contact with her.

It takes a little more balls to scribble a poem on a note and send it to her with the waiter.

It takes even more balls to get a common friend to introduce you to her.

It takes more balls than that to walk up and talk to her when her friends have left.

It takes the most balls to walk up and talk to her while she is with her friends.

My point is simple.

More balls you display, more you stand out, more the attraction.

Less balls you display, less you stand out, less the attraction.

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Chatting on the internet with a woman does not take balls.

That’s why guys who are timid mice in the real world often become roaring lions on chat. 🙂

Which makes it tough for a woman to tell if the guy is really a lion, based just on his chatting style.

In fact, being too good on chat could hurt you. Experience of many women have shown
them that guys who are the most timid in the real world, are the most bindaas during online chat.

And vice versa.

Experience has also shown women that guys who have an interesting life are out there
in the real world, doing stuff, not sitting in front of a computer monitor for hours.

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Try this : Next time you see her, walk up and talk to her.

If you don’t know what to say, just say “Hi”. And give her a  genuine compliment.

If you can’t keep the conversation going, say “Hey, I wish I had the time to talk to you, but
I’m going somewhere. Tell you what, let me grab your number and maybe I’ll call you some time”

Then give her your phone as if expecting her to punch in the number. If she does, say
“Now don’t call me 50 times a day. I’ll call you”. Smile. This makes her more comfortable, and
she will value the interaction (and your number) more, and will increase the chances of her
reacting positively when you do call.  Then say, “Hey, I have to go, see you later”. And leave.

If she doesn’t give you her number, say calmly “Why are you such a darpok?”

Roll your eyes, and say “Do you at least have email?”

If she says yes, hand her pen and paper.

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Next time she sees you on chat, she will see you as different from the 45 other guys in your
company who send her messages but will never walk up and talk. And any messages you
send her will stand out from the rest.

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Of course, don’t get stuck on chatting. You have to take the interaction forward, meet her,
build comfort, and then smoothly take things to the physical level.

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Look, the simple truth is that most guys don’t approach women.

That’s why the few guys who do approach, get most of the girls. Simple. 🙂

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p.s. By the way, I was one of those guys who only chatted with girls on the internet or at the
most, on the phone. I just did not have the balls to approach a woman I didn’t know. It’s only when
I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and started approaching women did I realize how magically
girls respond when you’re willing to do a little courage. If a total nerd like me could break through
the fear of approaching and talking to women, any man can!—————-

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p.p.s. Approaching a woman will not kill you. The worst that will happen is  she will tell you she
is not interested. But trust me, she will secretly admire your balls, and so will her girl friends.
More important, you will sleep better that night, knowing that you took action like a real man.

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The Real Man Workshop : A 2-day workshop that teaches both,
how to attract women and how to sexually satisfy them.
Details here:  http://www.realman.in/2day

Categories
Reader’s question

“I am scared to approach girls. How do I remove this fear?”

Question of the week :
I want to approach girls, but I am afraid. I have tried many times, I go with my friend to coffee shops, I see a girl but I feel that everybody is watching me, so I don’t approach. Same with my friend. Then we come home and feel bad and regret for not approaching. But next time we go out, same thing happens. Can you please advice how we can remove this fear?
– PT, Chennai

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My comments :

Don’t wait for your fear to go away completely. It won’t.

A man never loses all his fear of approaching women.

The real man is one who will approach in spite of his fear.

Here’s a bunch of ideas that might help you manage your fear :
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  1. You don’t need women to have fun : What many guys do wrong is to go out with the sole purpose of finding girls. This makes them feel needy and desperate. Wrong mindset. Instead, go out to have a fun time without needing girls. Talk, joke, connect with your friend, connect with random people. If you do see girls, treat them as if they just happened to be in a place where you’re already having fun.
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  2. Be always ‘ON’ : Don’t have the mentality of When I see a hot girl, I will turn on my charm.
    Have the mentality of I am ALWAYS socializing, I’m ALWAYS connecting with people, I’m ALWAYS charming.
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    When you get out of your house, talk to your building watchman, tell him his moustache rocks, ask him about the effort it takes to maintain such a great moustache. Talk to the taxi/rickshaw driver, ask what part of India he is from, find out what he misses most about his native town. When you go to a pan-shop to buy your chewing gum, ask the guy how is business, find out if the summer heat is causing people to buy more paan or less. Be genuinely curious about people. If you see a guy with a great shirt/trousers/haircut, walk up and tell him you love it,  find out where he got it from. Say thanks, give him a high-five and move on.  When you see girls passing by, stop them and ask if there’s a coffee shop nearby. Ask if the coffee there is good? Just good or fantastic-good? Say thanks and move on. Have the mentality of “I’m always a cool, fun guy who socializes with everybody, men, women and children”. And by the time you enter the coffee shop, you’re already in a talkative mood. Now when you see those 2 cuties at the next table, it’s not a big deal to walk up and talk. You’ve been doing it all along. 🙂
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  3. Stop putting women on pedestals : If you tend to view beautiful women as 100% perfect female specimens, you’ll find it scary to approach them. Instead, try to find flaws in her, and make her appear imperfect. For instance, if she did not wax her legs, she’d look like this. If she did not use make-up, she’d look like this. Imagine waking up with her the next morning and her breath stinks (it usually does). Imagine her as old and ugly and see her with wrinkled skin and sagging breasts (she’ll have them eventually). It’ll lessen the awe with which you hold women and make it easier to approach and talk to them.
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  4. Get a friend who’ll kick your butt : Go out with a friend who is as hungry to learn this skill as you are. Push each other to approach. Kick each other’s butts if either of you wusses out. Or try this.  Give your friend ten 1000-rupee notes and ask him to point out ten women, one by one. Every approach you make, you earn back 1000 rupees, and every time you wuss out, you lose Rs.1000.  This is exactly what I did when I was first learning this. The fear of losing the money was enough motivation to approach all 10 women.
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  5. Keep a cheat sheet : Sometimes we forget what to say when we are face to face with a beautiful woman. The mind just goes blank. It used to happen to me. Here’s an easy solution : Carry 2 readymade openers in your pocket so you can look them up any time, any where.
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  6. Choose your pain : Most men avoid approaching women because they want to avoid the pain of rejection. But when they’re back home, they feel the pain of regret “Shit man, why didn’t I approach that girl, I’m such a loser!” And you know whatthe pain of regret or the pain of rejection. We forget the girls who rejected us last week, but we regret not approaching or talking to a certain girl years after it happens. Next time you feel the fear of approaching, remember : the pain of regret is greater (much greater) than the pain of rejection.
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  7. Death is waiting : Life is unpredictable. You can’t be sure if you’ll be alive tomorrow. There is no time to hesitate. Just approach!
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Categories
Reader’s question

“Why do girls avoid me after a date?”

Question of the week :
I have a problem I need your help. I am able to get girls phone numbers but after we go on a date, she ignores my calls and she never calls me. This happened with too many girls. I am doing something wrong but I don’t know whats my mistake. I am not doing any hanky-panky during the date, I behave like a gentleman. Why do they suddenly lose interest after the date? Please help thanks.
-Bobby M, New Delhi

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My comments :

I hope your basic hygiene and grooming is ok. Women are quickly turned off by bad breath, body odour, nose hair and dirty nails.

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But even if you look and smell good, you’re probably making the most common mistake guys make during a date : playing too safe and not flirting enough.

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I often see guys on a date talk about their family, their college, their job, they’ll compliment her on her beauty, her dress… but they will hesitate to flirt with her.

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Guys think that by behaving “decent”, the girl will like them more than the other guys who flirted with her.

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Big mistake! Women find such guys BORING.

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When a man and a woman meet for the purpose of romance and the man does not take things forward by flirting with her, she gets uncomfortable. And she’ll usually avoid him for further romantic encounters. She may still keep him around as a friend to do her work or to pay her dinner bills or to cry on his shoulders when she has problems, but she’ll not treat him like a lover (which means, no sex!).

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A woman will never tell a man, “Ok, I am attracted to you, let’s get physical”. She expects the man to take the lead, flirt with her and move the interaction towards sex.

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And one of the most powerful ways of flirting is by using PUSH-PULL.

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Push-Pull is a technique by which you alternately push her away and pull her close, keeping her confused about whether you really like her or not.

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Examples of push-pull:
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  1. Tell her that you will take her out for coffee only if she dresses more hot.
    You’re PULLING her by expressing that you want to go out with her, but you’re PUSHING her away by laying down a condition. This is very different from most guys who ask her out for coffee without any conditions.
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  2. While entering a coffee shop, open the door for her but tease her for walking slower than your grandma.
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  3. In a restaurant, wipe food from the corner of her mouth while muttering that she’s embarrassing you with her clumsiness.
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  4. Look deep into her eyes and say “I love looking into your eyes. And you know what I love most about it…looking at my reflection in your eyes. I’m so hot no?”
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  5. Tell her that you want to take for a movie but you’re afraid she might take advantage of you in the darkness.
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  6. If she mentions that she likes chicken or any non-veg food, shake your head in disappointment and say that you had planned to kiss her but now that you know she eats “dead animals”, all kissing plans are cancelled until further notice.
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  7. Offer to give her your phone number but only if she promises not to call you 50 times a day.


You get the idea. Give out contrasting messages and keep her wondering whether you’re chasing her or if she’s chasing you.

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Next time you interact with a girl, whether in person, on the phone or through sms, use push-pull.

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Women love it. And it clearly communicates that you are a real man who knows how to take the interaction forward.

Please note : Push-Pull is to be administered with a smile. 🙂 She should have no doubt that you’re teasing her.

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