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General Reader’s question

Question from reader : How to approach a girl in a ladies’ store

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First of all i would like to say thanks for starting such a great website which helps angry lonely losers like me to get girls. I was a shy nice guy few months ago but after reading all these articles that women hate shy nice guys, i have build up some confidence. But still i need some more work. I have changed myself to 50% to bad boy which girls love so much but still 50% is remaining. Now i have a strange situation. There is a girl whom i like & she works in a shop. My instincts say she also likes me. She has no boyfriend so i might get a chance. But the main problem is that how & where i approach her. I cannot just walk in the shop and start conservation because the shop is of ladies clothes and also there are co-workers in the shop. There is nothing to buy for a man. Now if i approached her on the road when she leaves for home she might feel threatened. Can you help me ? I am not able to decide how & where should i approach her. I am 25yrs old.

– R, Bhopal

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First, I’d like to immediately correct the way you think.

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Women are not turned off by “nice guys”.

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Women are turned off by “weak guys”.

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Nice is different from weak.

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Taking her out for dinner is being nice. Taking her out for
dinner in the hope that she will sleep with you is being weak.

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Buying her flowers is being nice. Buying her flowers to make her
like you is being weak.

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Pulling a chair out for her in a restaurant is being nice.
Doing it to impress her is weak.

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Unfortunately a lot of  weak, spineless behaviour is being
wrongly clubbed under “nice guy” behaviour.

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What women are really looking for is a nice guy who is strong.

Example : When I enter a restaurant or a café with her, I’ll stand next
to the table and say “You want to pull out a chair for me?”

She’ll laugh and say “Shut up” or hit my hand…and I’ll roll my eyes and
tell the people at the next table, “Guys, chivalry is truly dead!” and
then I’ll pull out a chair for her.

Can you see how powerful that is? I’m being the nice guy, but without
sucking up to her. I’m being the nice guy who is strong.

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And now, onto your specific question about approaching a saleswoman
in a store for ladies.

I have embedded my responses to various parts of your question.

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>> She has no boyfriend so i might get a chance.

Never worry about whether a woman has a boyfriend or not.

Focus only on being an attractive man.

Women will often say they have a boyfriend even if they don’t.
Or even if they do have a boyfriend they could be looking to upgrade. 😉

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>> I cannot just walk in the shop and start conservation
>> because the shop is of ladies clothes and also there are
>> co-workers in the shop

Of course you can just walk in and talk to her.

The problem is not in the situation. The problem is in YOUR HEAD.

Here’s a fact about human behaviour : We worry that people are
looking at us and judging us. But fact is, people are worried that we
are looking at them and judging them.

If you’re looking to buy a dress for your 7 year old niece’s
birthday, would you worry about walking into a ladies store?
Of course not. You’d just walk in and start looking. You may even
ask a saleswoman to suggest dress ideas for a 7 year old girl.
You may even ask this particular saleswoman.

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>> Now if i approached her on the road when she
>> leaves for home she might feel threatened

You’re right. She might find that creepy.

It’s what most guys do. They wait until the girl is alone to approach her.

You don’t want a woman to think you’re the same as the other guys.

You want to stand out.

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Note : approaching a woman when she is all alone, seems easy to do.
But because it gives out a creepy vibe, it’s actually HARDER to create
attraction that way.

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So here’s what you could do.

  1. Walk into the store confidently, walk up to the saleswoman you’re
    interested in, smile, tell her about your niece’s birthday, ask her to
    suggest dress ideas.
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  2. As she’s showing you dresses, check your phone as if you just got a
    text message. Smile and tell her you’re having this argument with your
    cousin sister and you need a quick opinion. Ask her what do women look
    for in a guy, money or looks ? Tell her about your cousin sister who just
    dumped her rich boyfriend because he is too short. Ask if it’s normal
    for girls to do that or is your cousin just crazy? When she gives an
    opinion, act pleasantly surprised by it and say, “Hmmm… pehle toh
    mujhe aap buddhoo jaise lagi. Par ab, thodi bahut akalmand lag rahi ho.
    Naam kya hai aap ka?”
    (Translation : You know, you looked like a dork when I first saw you,
    but now I think you are kinda sensible. What’s your name?)
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  3. Then get back to the dress selection. Short list 2 dresses. Say you’ll find
    out your neice’s exact height and come back for the right size.
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  4. Take out your phone, say “If I have any questions I want to call you.
    Give me your number.” If she offers to give the store number, look into her
    eyes, smile and say confidently, “No, no…YOUR number”

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Since you say she already has some attraction for you, the above approach should work.

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If she didn’t know you at all, then qualify her some more before getting her number.
Example: After she shows you some dresses, ask her “Are you creative? Fashionable?
Interesting? Then why are you showing me such boring dresses?”
(said with a smile,
of course). When she shows you nicer dresses, express your satisfaction.

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Once you have her number, take things forward on the phone.

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