Question from reader :
I was travelling in the metro and a girl was looking at me constantly. I changed my position but still she continued to look at me. That made me feel that she likes me and so I started looking at her and we had eye contact for a long time. Finally, I walked up and started conversation with “do we know each other?” but her response was not good. This was not the first time, this keeps happening to me. I just want to know how to start conversation with a girl who shows that she is interested in me ?- Hemant, New Delhi
***My response***
First of all, congratulations for approaching.
Very few guys do it.
You just made one mistake : you played safe.
When you asked her “do we know each other?”, what you were actually
asking her was, “Why are you staring at me like that??! Do you know me?”
You made it look like SHE was looking at you, SHE was staring at you,
SHE was interested in you.
You put the burden of the interaction on HER.
That’s playing safe. 🙂
What did you expect? Did you think she will say
“No, we don’t know each other, I am staring at you because I am attracted to you.”
She would never say that.
Women who take the lead are judged harshly in most cultures
(and even more so in conservative cultures like ours).
That’s why she responded with “No, I don’t know you” (or something like that).
You thought that was a rejection and walked away meekly.
Look, when you play safe, women don’t find it attractive.
Women like men who take risks.
So what should you have done instead?
You could have walked up to her and said with a smile,
You : “Hey, I just saw you from there and wanted to talk to you.
I am Hemant. What’s your name?”
This way, you are taking responsibility for the interaction.
You are risking rejection.
And that is attractive to women, because only a real man does that.
Even if she does not respond, you should have continued to take responsibility
for the interaction. That’s even more attractive. You could have continued by
complimenting her or commenting on something and asking a question about it
so she can contribute.
You : “I like that necklace, what stones are those?” or…
“I like the way you dress, especially the colour combinations. Are you a stylist?” or…
“I can sense that you have a creative energy around you. You must be a creative person.
Either you are a writer? singer? performer? dancer? designer?”
When a woman gives you eye contact, it’s usually easier to approach.
But you still have to take responsibility for the interaction, like a man.
Only when you take a risk, will she feel like taking a risk and contributing
to the interaction.
Remember : Safe is risky. Risky is safe. 😉
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