Question from reader :
Hello Shiva, there’s a girl in my colony i wish to talk to and i see her sometimes
on my way to work. I wish to do Direct Opening. Please give me tips on direct opening
with her. When i approach i will be walking with her for around 5 mins till we go on our
respective routes. Please give me some idea to talk to her after i open up.
Which things to talk n all.Awaiting your reply, Akshay (Bangalore)
***My response***
By DIRECT open, do you mean walking up to a girl and
saying “I like you” ?
I don’t recommend that.
Even if you use some other words, communicating that
you like her even before you have evaluated her, is not
attractive to women.
At least not to quality women.
Because, quality women know that when a guy likes her
BEFORE interacting with her, it means he is either faking it or
his standards are so low that he is impressed with looks alone.
If he’s faking it, she wonders why, what does he secretly want?
What is he concealing? She finds it creepy!
If his standards are low, well, quality women are NOT
attracted to men with low standards.
So if you are going DIRECT, I suggest you first spend some time
interacting and vibing with her WITHOUT displaying your interest,
and only when you find she has passed your evaluation, should you
display your interest.
Here’s an idea you could try.
Join her as she walks, walk side by side with her for about 3 seconds,
then turn to her and say with a genuine smile.
“Hi! *pause for her to look at you*
My name is Arvind. My office is that way. I have seen you
a few times, and I thought of saying hello to you today!
What’s your name?”
Extend your hand for a handshake. She says her name, you shake
her hand and continue walking with her and talking.
“I work at xyz (company), as abc (designation). What do you do?”
Often the girl will help take the conversation forward by contributing
on her own, and soon you two are vibing.
After walking together, when you finally reach the point where you have to part, say
“Hey, we have to say goodbye here. But I am glad we met. You know,
from a distance you seemed kinda khadoos, but now that I got to know
you, you’re kinda fun. (smile, so she knows you’re teasing)
Let’s keep in touch. What’s your number?”
Take out your phone and dial her number.
If you’re feeling more brave, try the below ideas
Instead of asking what she does, GUESS what she does.
“I work at xyz (company), as abc (designation). Let me guess what you do.
(look her up and down and continue)
Hmmm…you have a slightly khadoos look, so you must be…
a teacher, accountant or ….hmmm…a lawyer?!
This might sound random, but women love random stuff, it makes them laugh
and that breaks the ice, and you come across as a fun guy to hang out with.
When she finally tells you what she does, pretend to be disappointed and say
“Oh my God, you are a [her job]?!
I can’t even talk to you now, good bye”
And walk faster, getting away from her.
Then slow down, join her again, and smile so she knows you were teasing.
Then explain why you walked away.
Here are some examples.
Example 1 : If she says she is an accountant, you say
“Oh my God, you are an accountant?! I can’t even talk to you now, good bye”
Walk away. Then slow down, join her, smile and say
“Hey, just teasing. I usually find accountants boring because they look at
everything in life as profit and loss. But you seem like an interesting girl.
I hope! So, do you like your job?”
Example 2 : If she says she is a software programmer, you can say
“Oh my God, you are a programmer?! I can’t even talk to you now, good bye”
Walk away. Then slow down, join her, smile and say
“Hey, just teasing. I find most programmers boring because they are always
at a computer, and rarely go out and have fun. But you seem like an
interesting girl. I hope! So, do you like your job?”
Here’s why it works :
- By approaching her, you have shown interest. By walking away,
you have shown disinterest. This combination of interest-disinterest is
called push-pull. It intrigues women and hooks their attention. Here’s a
post that talks more on push-pull.
—————————— - By teasing her about her job and walking away you are lowering her
value a bit, which helps generate attraction. Remember : By default,
women assume they are higher value than most men and are not attracted
to men who are lower value than her. To get her interested in you, raise
your value and/or lower hers.
—————————— - When you walk away from her, you’re demonstrating that you are not
desperate for her. This powerfully communicates that you are a man with
options and that you are NOT like most guys who will STICK to a woman like
fevicol as soon as they get a positive response from her.
—————————— - Just by displaying the courage to walk up and talk to a girl often spikes her
attraction without the need for fancy routines or pickup lines.
Trouble shooting : When you first approach her, if she appears alarmed or is clearly uncomfortable, you could add, “Can I walk with you for a few minutes? I am also walking in the same direction” Asking for her permission puts her in control and will probably relax her. Make sure you are smiling and speaking loud and clear, it makes people less uncomfortable when you approach them. If you do everything right and she still indicates that she is NOT interested in walking with you, say with a smile “No problem, have a nice day” and walk away. Perhaps she is not very social. No problem. It is better to approach like a real man and be rejected than just think of her 24×7 without taking any action.
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