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Question : “How to approach in a small town where all know me?”

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Question from reader :

Hi I am madly in love with a girl. But there is this Academic barrier that is holding me back to ask her out, she is my neighbor she talks to me but when ever she meets I only keep on staring at her like a dumb guy and don’t know what to say! I just can’t understand how to express my feelings to her and tell that how much she means to me. But somehow I managed to ask her for her number, which she gave me. I sent her a message but she has not replied. Now I don’t know how to take things further. 🙁 Please help me I’ll be really GRATEFUL to you.

– Sam, mumbai

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***My response***

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If you’ve been following this blog you would know that you should NEVER
“express your feelings” or tell a girl “how much she means” to you.

N-E-V-E-R.

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If you have feelings for her,  SHOW her, don’t TELL her.

Mooch her neck, fondle her breasts, pin her down and f**k her hard.

SHOW with actions that you like her, don’t TELL with words.

Of course you can’t do this until you first attract her and get close.

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You asked me for help on how to take things forward on the phone.

But from your mail it seems you don’t understand the BASICS of attraction.

Look, I cannot just give you magic WORDS to tell her.

If you don’t understand WHY the words work, they WON’T work.

Read my previous posts to understand the basics.

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Also you have not provided sufficient info. Like, how did you get her
number, what exactly did you say? What exactly was the message
you sent her? Dude, without sufficient data, I cannot help.

Anybody sending me a question, please provide as much info as possible.
Unless I fully understand your situation I cannot help you.

Attend this upcoming teleseminar, ask me your question live on the phone,
get an instant solution to your dating problem.

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We have time for one more question. Next question please!

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Question from reader :

Hey Shiva, I used to live in a small town, where everybody knew everybody. Hence it was difficult to approach girls, as its in my head that she’ll discuss with other girls that I approached, and that’s not good for my future approaches. The other problem is when I did get a chance and approached, a lot of girls were nervous/socially awkward (I’m fairly good looking). So I thought ok fine, lets see if I can change city, I did change the city, but this new place is still small, and more conservative with a different language, hence more difficult to open. And its in a guy’s head that if other guys saw me approaching, they’ll beat me up. In my hometown I had friends, so was less fearful, only social fear, but here there’s a physical danger too. The town is in Maharashtra, so any way to improve upon the situation, or do I have to go to Pune every Sunday?

– B, Ahmednagar

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***My response***

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Here’s the plain truth.

If you want options with women, you HAVE TO APPROACH.

No ifs, no buts, no maybes.

It doesn’t matter if people are watching or they know you or
gossip about you or beat you up or whatever…

You have to approach.

Hey, can’t you risk some beating in the quest for a soulmate?

Come on!

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And now for the good news.

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  • Good news 1 : Even if a girl is not interested in talking to you, or
    she has a boyfriend or is married, she is almost always flattered that
    you approached her; even if she does not show it.
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  • Good news 2 : Just because you approach a girl, people will not
    assume you’re flirting with her. Example : If you approach a girl to
    ask for directions,  will bystanders think you’re hitting on her?
    Would you be scared they’ll beat you up? Would you be worried
    that people will gossip about you?  Of course not. People’s response
    depends on the girl’s response. If she reacts in disgust, people get
    concerned and may intervene. But if she responds positively,
    people assume you know her, and they get back to their busy
    lives leaving you both alone.

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In our bootcamps, we start with a conversation opener that
intrigues the girls, that makes them laugh, and makes them
want to talk to us.

Of course, there will always be women who don’t talk to us and
walk away, but none of them (NOT A SINGLE one of them) gets
disgusted or horrified. They simply walk away, often flattered
that we approached.

So we never* have a situation where the girl gets offended or
creates a scene.

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So, that’s what you have to do. Approach in a way that makes the girl
respond positively. At least make sure she doesn’t react with
disgust or recoils in horror.

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Keep these basics in mind  :

  • Approach with a smile. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like
    smiling, just fake it, she won’t know the difference.
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  • Approach over your shoulder. Don’t approach face to face, it
    makes women very uncomfortable. Approach over your shoulder,
    and face her only after she begins responding, not before.
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  • Come from a fun place. The mistake most guys make is appear
    serious while they approach, as if they need the girl to bring fun into
    his life. This creeps the girl out. Before you approach, she should see
    you already having fun, either laughing with friends or into your phone.

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Use one of the many openers I have shared on this blog.

Make her laugh. Tease her a bit. Then say, you have to go,
and ask for her number or email address.

Remember, all you need to do is collect her contact details.
Don’t tell her you like her, or that she is cute, or that you have
feelings for her etc.

Just collect her contacts and leave.

Then take things forward on the phone without anybody in
the world knowing what’s going on.

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* Btw, if a girl does ever create a scene, it’s because of HER issues.
She may be on psychiatric drugs,  she could have self-esteem
issues, she could have a suspicious boyfriend who has a detective
following her all over and she wants the detective to ‘see’ that she
did not enjoy the interaction…whatever…it’s not our problem,
we just say “Pleasure meeting you” and move on.

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