Sometimes a guy meets a girl and finds her so hot
that he feels he does not deserve her.
He cannot even imagine dating her or having sex with her.
He feels the girl is meri aukaat ke baahar.
So instead of trying to attract her, he tries to impress her.
He does her favours, buys her expensive gifts, tries to help
in her personal and professional life, even gives her cash
to solve her money problems.
Secretly, he hopes that by doing her favours, she will
gradually begin to like him.
But the result is the opposite of what he expects!
Instead of getting attracted to him, she gets turned off and
can’t stand him any more.
That’s what happened between choreographer Ganesh Acharya and his assistant Daisy Shah.
Daisy was a junior dancer in his troupe, like many others.
She was hot and he was attracted to her. But instead of attracting her,
he did what most guys do in that situation.
He started doing her favours.
He made her chief assistant…bought her an apartment,
recommended her as heroine to directors.
Favour after favour after favour.
And what did he get in return?
Make outs? Nope.
All he got was…
Not a real kick, an emotional one, but it hurts as bad.
As soon as Salman confirmed her for the movie Jai Ho,
Daisy deleted Ganesh from her life.
Even when she came face to face with Ganesh at a studio,
she openly ignored him.
What’s worse, Ganesh was NOT invited to choreograph for the
movie (my guess is, it was Daisy who made sure he did not get
the movie, because when a woman loses attraction for a man,
she wants to avoid him totally).
Ganesh lost the girl, lost the time and emotional energy he had
invested in her, lost the money that he spent on her gifts, and
he lost the movie.
Today, Ganesh accepts this with an air of resignation : “Yes, that’s true. It’s okay, she wanted to go ahead in life. I am happy for her.”
Men buy gifts for beautiful girls because the male logic goes like this : I do her favour >> She is happy >> She likes me >> I get to f**k her
But the female logic goes like this : He did me favour >> 18 other losers did me favour before him >>
He is like one of those 18 losers >> I don’t f**k losers
When you do a girl a favour in the hope of getting inside her pants, what you’re really telling her is this :
That makes her see you as a low-confidence male and she wants
to avoid you.
She may not show it openly. She may even thank you for the
favours and gifts. But deep down inside, she resents you.
And it’s not her fault. She is programmed by nature to avoid men
with low confidence.
Note : Not all women are like that. The manipulative woman will
want you to continue spending money on her; she may even pretend
to be attracted to you. But quality women will not play these games,
they will just avoid you altogether.
So what could Ganesh have done differently?
Is there a way to create attraction while doing her favors?
Here are 2 ways.
Do favours AFTER you have sex, not before. When you buy her gifts after you are in a sexual relationship with her, she has a greater appreciation for both the gifts and for you. If Ganesh had done her those favours after having sex with her, chances are, he would still be having sex with her. ——————
Tease when you do her favours.
When you do a favour for a girl, there is a danger she will
presume that you like her. This is not good for attraction. When a girl is sure you like her, she begins to lose attraction
because you’re no longer a challenge.
One way to avoid this is to tease her when you do the favour.
While making her his chief assistant, Ganesh could have said, “I will make you chief assistant if you promise to stop
dressing like a bahenji and start dressing hotter.”
That’s an erogenous zone, and you only kiss a girl there
in intimate, private moments.
This 77 year old grandpa politician was supposed to quietly
give her the award, give her a polite peck on the cheek and
walk away quietly.
But he broke the rules.
By kissing her on the neck he sent her 2 clear messages :
I desire you
I know how to treat a woman in bed
As you would expect, the photo has gone viral and the man has
received much criticism world wide.
But I can tell you this : he has made the girl feel feelings that she
hasn’t felt in a long time.
Even if she has a young boyfriend, chances are, he has not kissed
her there. At least not as much as she would like.
Because, most young men are in such a hurry for intercourse,
they don’t take the time to kiss a woman in places where she really
wants to be kissed.
What’s the lesson in this?
Break the rules!
There is no law that says you can only kiss a woman on the
cheek, else you will be arrested. 🙂
When you are introduced to a girl, or when you meet her
on the first date, don’t just kiss on the cheek, kiss her just
below, on the neck.
That tells her 2 things :
I desire you
I know how to treat a woman in bed
Note : You may not be able to kiss her behind the ear as the man in
the pic is doing (he probably pretended to say something in her ear
and cheekily planted a kiss instead) but it’s easy to kiss her neck :
just go for the cheek, and at the last moment, go below the cheek
and kiss her neck.
Here’s the complete news story (if you’re interested)
“I hv been missing u since u stopped calling… dnt kno wats wrong with me. Y u came to me n y u walked off all of a sudden???”
I had approached her while she was browsing at a store.
We talked for a bit and I left with her phone number.
Later we exchanged a few messages and then we met once
(I took her window shopping for shirts “Hey, I’m going to pick up
some shirts, you want to come help me?”)
A few days after that, we met in a hotel room and had sex.
She was not a great lover, and her pillow talk was boring.
After the encounter, I gradually lost interest in her and I gradually stopped calling and texting her.
Today, she sent me the above message.
So what are the lessons here :
Attraction defies logic
This is a beautiful girl with lots of options with men. But as soon as she felt attraction, it did not matter how many
guys were chasing her…she forgot them all, and focussed
only on me. Btw, I did not walk away “all of a sudden” as
she says. I did it gradually. Much more gradually than girls
do when they dump guys. 😉 She feels it was “sudden” because
the attraction level was so high. ——————————-
Only after she feels attraction can she think of sex
Most guys think about how to get physical before they have
created attraction. Bad idea. She can only feel a sexual desire
after she feels mentally attracted to you.
Btw, you may think that just because she agreed to meet in
a hotel room, she is a loose kind of girl. She is not. In fact,
at first she flatly refused to meet in a hotel. She found the
idea “sleazy”. But that was her good girl thinking. As I
engaged her bad girlside, she became more comfortable
with the idea.
When you create attraction, you get to choose
I lost attraction for her soon after the encounter. She was
a lousy lover and I could not have an intelligent conversation
with her (at least one of those two things needs to happen
for me to stay interested in a girl).
Most guys would think I am crazy for being so choosy. Well,
when you have options, you can be choosy (just like girls are
choosy when they have options with guys). I can now choose
whether I want to see her once in a while, marry her, or just
move on and find somebody better. ——————–
Note : To some of the female readers of this blog who will now
scold me for “playing with a girl’s emotions”, please spare me
the drama. 🙂 The sms message the girl sent me is the SAME kind
of message that guys send when girls dump them. When a girl loses attraction for a guy, she usually doesn’t give
a damn. She just moves on in search of a better guy.
Why can’t guys do the same?
Last 2 seats
“How to turn a colleague into a lover” : Teleseminar
I get many emails from guys who want to turn their colleague
or friend into a lover (or spouse).
I am doing a teleseminar on the subject to share the skills
required to turn a ‘friendly’ interaction into attraction.
There are specific ways to interact with her to attract and
seduce her without breaking your friendship or breaking the law.
Dates : Jan 27, 28, 29, 8pm to 10pm
This will be an intense seminar. Seats are limited because
I will solve the personal dating problem of each participant.
Each case will be taken up in detail and the participant will
learn what he needs to start doing (and stop doing) to get the
girl he is currently pursuing.
Suchitra Sen used to be one of the ‘hot babes’ of Indian cinema with all leading directors aspiring to cast her in a movie. But she accepted only a few of the offers that came her way.
Knowing how difficult it was to get her to sign a movie, the late Raj Kapoor personally travelled all the way to her home in Kolkata. And then to charm her into saying Yes, he did what most men do, he went down on his knees and offered her a bouquet of flowers along with the film offer.
She did not think so.
Ms. Sen politely declined the movie.
She later told a close friend, “A man should not bow down before a woman like that”
She declined a movie from the biggest director at the time because she lost respect for the man.
Two important lessons here
Lesson 1: Hot babes are secretly fed up with being put on a pedestal, and actually lose some respect for the men who do it. Most men don’t see the simple girl inside, they only see a hot babe and give her compliments, buy her gifts, do her favours and try to win her approval. But the real man does things differently. He ignores the hot babe and talks to the simple girl inside. And that creates attraction.
Lesson 2: Even wealthy, successful, famous men can be completely clueless when it comes to attracting women.
It does not matter how confident your body language or how loud your voice, when your armpits are soaking wet with perspiration,
she can tell you’re nervous.
One thing that worked for me when I was first starting out was ANTI-PERSPIRANT.
If you sweat when you feel nervous approaching women or when you go on a date, apply some antiperspirant on your arm pits before stepping out. You’ll look and feel more confident.
How is it different from a deodorant?
An antiperspirant has the chemical Aluminium zirconium (look for it on the packaging). A deodorant is just a fragrance. Below is a brand of antiperspirant that’s easily available in India, but you can pick any well known brand. Aluminium Zirconium sounds like a harsh chemical, but I have researched it and I find it safe. It works by forming a physical plug which blocks your sweat glands for some time. The plug gradually breaks down and normal sweating
resumes. I have been using it for years. But I am not a doctor, and I am just sharing my personal experience, please do your own research and take your own decision. Avoid using antiperspirant on skin with cuts. For example, if you’ve just shaved your arm pits, apply antiperspirant after a few hours.
Gillette Clear Gel is a brand that’s easily available in India
Earlier, guys asked girls out for “dinner” for the first date.
That became common after a while.
Then guys started asking girls out for “coffee”.
Coffee was better than dinner, it takes less time, it’s less expensive,
and appears less needy (if a man will commit an entire evening and buy dinner for a girl he barely knows, he must be lonely or desperate).
But now, coffee has become common too.
Today if you ask a hot girl out for coffee you could lose points for lack of originality.
So what should you do to be different and display high value?
Here’s what I do.
I tell her that I am going to do an activity and she can join me.
Me: “I am going to check out the Cyrus Cylinder exhibition, you want to come along?”
She: Blah, blah
Me: “We can walk around and chat at the same time. And if you turn out to be boring I can focus on the exhibition.” (said with a smile)
She: Blah, blah
Me: “You can hold my hand as we browse, if you insist. But just for 5 minutes, because I hardly know you!”
In fact, this happened just today morning. And she was the one who suggested coffee. Here’s how the texting went.
She: “You want to meet for coffee tomorrow?”
Me: “Coffee? Boring. *yawn*”
Me: “You need to think of more original ideas than coffee or this relationship will not work out :(“
She: “Ok, so what do you want to do? :)”
Me: “Lazy bum…I have to think of everything!”
Me: “Ok, I am going to check out the Cyrus Cylinder exhibition on Tuesday 5 pm, come with me.”
The gyaan behind the technique
When you say no to coffee, but invite her to an activity you’re planning to do anyway, here’s what it communicates to her:
“I am a busy man, my time is precious, my calendar is full.” ——————
“I am not yet sure you’re worth spending dedicated time with at a coffee shop. Let’s hang out, prove to me that you are a cool chick, then perhaps dedicated coffee time may happen.” ——————
“I am always out, doing stuff, exploring, living an active life.” ——————
“I can meet you on Tuesday at 5 pm if you join me for an activity I am already planning to do. If you prove to me you’re a cool girl, maybe next time I will plan an activity just for the two of us. But if you turn out to be boring, I will politely say goodbye to you after the event and not call you again.”
It need not even be some fancy event. You could just say “Hey, I am going to pick up a shirt tomorrow. Come with me.”
Even if you don’t buy the shirt, and just do some window-shopping, that’s fine, as long as she feels she joined you for an activity you had planned for yourself, and not for her.
After the event, you could say “Hey, I have 15 minutes free, let’s do a quick coffee.” Now you’re doing the coffee that you wanted in the first place. 🙂 But in her mind, the coffee happened ‘by chance’, it wasn’t planned especially for her.
Note: This girl wanted to meet me tomorrow. If I had agreed, it’d show I am available even at short notice, which means I don’t have a busy life, which means I must be a low-value male. Not good. So I give her a date a few days later. Btw, I am really not free tomorrow, because I am meeting a friend. But even if I was free, I would not meet her tomorrow, definitely not for the first date. I would fake it and pretend I am busy tomorrow. Fake it till you make it. 😉