Reader’s question

Question from reader : “2 weeks of love, and now just friends…help!”

Question from reader :


Background: This girl approached me through my cousin and sent me sms saying I wanna be your friend, I responded positively and after couple of days of regular texting we spoke on phone one night, our first conversation was about 1 hour long and we both enjoyed talking to each other.

We had few more phone conversations and finally met each other. Everything went great, i was confident, my body language was up to mark, everything was almost as you mention a man should be
(I am a regular reader of your tips and follow your website), so this girl looked comfortable and we had great time, had couple of more dates and after exactly 7 days of meeting each other, s
he sent me a message.

She: Honey
Me: Yes
She: I love you
Me: (after couple of minutes ) Me too
Then on the next meeting she said that she loves me a lot and she is confused that how can she fall in love in so less time… Even i was amazed.
After that we kissed
Next Date we kissed on Lips
Next Date i said I Love you to her verbally
After that we stated meeting every other day like 3 times a week and they all were good dates as one should be.
Everything was running smooth till 15th day from when she said I love you to me.
She messaged
She : Vikram can i tell you one thing but i fear you will feel bad
Me : na just tell me
She : I still think you will not feel good after hearing this
Me : What is it, jus tell.
She : Vikram i don’t love you , i think it was an initial attraction and i don’t get that feeling any more.
Me: ???
She: i know you will feel bad but i think until i don’t feel it again we should be friends
Me : its ok , i am not feeling bad at all , its good that u know whats your doing.
Now the thing is i am super confused that what is going on here , why after being a good lover
I ended up in a “friends zone”
I like this girl and want to get back as her lover rather than just friends.
I hope you get my story and please let me know if you need more details , but I think I have written pretty much everything as it happened.
We now friends and do see each other but there is not intimacy as it was earlier .
One more thing she had a breakup 1 week before she met me , Her boyfriend dumped her for other girl .
She mentioned to me that she used to Love him.
Regards, Vikram [name changed]



***My response***

It’s obvious.

You behaved like a real man and got the girl.

You stopped behaving like a real man and lost the girl.

Just like what happened to Vivek Oberoi.

When a woman meets a real man, she cannot help but feel attraction.

And because most of the men she meets do not behave like you did, she
“felt confused” about how she could fall in love so quickly.

This had never happened to her before. And she was loving it.

You should have continued doing what you did.

Instead, you made the mistake that 99% of  guys make.

You stopped being the real man as soon as you got the girl.


Let me use your sms exchange to explain what you did wrong.

She: Honey
Me: Yes
She calls you honey and you say “Yes” ?!
By doing that, you walked into her reality.
You let her know that her reality is stronger than yours.
You let her know that she has won you already, that you’re no more a challenge to her.
That is not attractive to women.
So how should you have responded?
She: Honey
Me: wooooooo…babes we hv not even made love n u r honeying me already? sloooow down… 😉
With this response you’re telling her that your reality is stronger than hers.
You’re telling her that she has not yet won you over, and she still has some proving to do.
You’re being a challenge.
This is attractive to women.
Let’s look at the next part of your sms exchange.
She: I love you
Me: (after couple of minutes ) Me too


You walked into her reality. Again. Within minutes!

And this time it’s the dreaded ‘L’ word!

Never tell a woman “I love you”.

It makes her feel you’re fidaa over her, that you’re no longer a challenge for her.

This reduces her attraction.

So how could you have responded differently?


She: I love you
Me:  I know 😉


Of course, these are just your sms mistakes. You must have made similar mistakes on the phone,
verbally in person, with your body language, with your voice, with your responses to her questions,
and the many subtle mistakes like always answering her phone eagerly, always being available for her,
putting your life on hold to be always available for a date with her, never being busy with your own life…
all of which I cannot see and so I cannot comment on them specifically.


You still met and kissed after the first sms exchange. But that was because her initial attraction was so
strong that she gave you the benefit of doubt and hoped that you would not become weak again.—–

But unfortunately you did show weakness. In the next 15 days you’ve probably made many more such
mistakes, verbally and non-verbally (think carefully, and you’ll realize every single mistake you made).

And you convinced her beyond doubt that you have fallen for her.


Women are not attracted to fallen men. Women are attracted to strong men.

You stopped being the strong man she was attracted to.

Naturally, she lost the attraction.


So what should you do to get her back?

My frank advice  :  forget her and move on.


Here’s an example to help you understand.
Suppose you’re attracted to a beautiful girl. After dating her for a while, and after some passionate
kissing, you find that she actually used to be a man who has changed her sex to become a woman.
You lose all attraction for her. It doesn’t matter how attracted you were to her before. You’re not
attracted to her any more! The girl is sad. She asks her girlfriend for advice on how to attract you again.
Can her friend help her?



Similarly, it’s near impossible to make a woman think you’re a real man once she is convinced you are not.


And the more you try to convince her to be attracted to you again, the more pathetic you will appear.

In fact your best shot at attracting her again is to make her SEE you dating other girls.

And once you do date other girls, you may not want to date her again. 🙂

Treat her as a wonderful lesson that helped you. Use the lessons you’ve learnt and try not to repeat
these mistakes with the next girl. And even if you do, no problem, learn the lesson and move on.

I am sure more awesome women are waiting for you out there.

And by the way, don’t wait for your cousin to bring you girls. Get out there and approach.


P.S. You have not mentioned if you had sex with her, and I don’t know if you’re a good lover. But one
way to keep a woman attracted to you is to rock her world in the bedroom. Most guys are lousy lovers.
When you know how to make love to a woman, how to touch her, how to kiss her and how to give her
mindblowing orgasms, a woman will never want to lose you. That’s why my workshops now include
education in how to make love to women.


And now, here’s a question from another reader.
I am including this just to show you how NOT to send a question.

Hey shiva,  Its Aditya here…..hope u were good  but shiva my life is horrible…..I jsut went through ur real man and i m quite impressed..i need ur help….i just want to be a good pick up artist…as i m an engg student ..there are lots of girls in my college but i dont have the balls to approach..i need ur help…..plz help me…by which i can seduce a girl as well as pick up a girl….plz help me dude.  Aditya [name changed]


***My comment***

When you expect me to give you a life-changing response, the least I expect you to do is invest some effort to
give me sufficient information of your situation.

Remember, when you send me a question, the more info you provide, the better I can help.

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