Question from reader :
Hi, I have a problem…I met with an girl and by reading your mails I impressed her and I even take her to my friend’s room. In the room, I did many things with her but VOH nahi kiya. Uske baad ab main jab bhi bolta hu, vo mana kar deti hai ya kuch ajeeb sa hota hai. Now I am fall in love with her but don’t know what I have to do…I feel that she has used me. Please help me.Rajiv, India
(Translation of hindi words used in the question : “I did many things with her, but I didn’t do THAT. After that day, whenever I ask her to meet me again, she declines, or behaves strangely”)
***My response***
Many guys are clueless about what to do when they get physically intimate with a woman.
They don’t know the basics of how to even touch her, let alone how to kiss her or give her mind-blowing orgasms.
I don’t know what you did with the girl that turned her off (I wish you had provided more info).
So I am going to guess.
Maybe you did one of these common mistakes that guys do.
- Common mistake 1 : Perhaps you were in a hurry to touch her intimate areas (breasts, vulva, lips) before she was aroused enough to enjoy being touched there. When you make love to a woman, go to her hottest parts LAST (most guys go there first…that’s a mistake). Check out this post to see her hot, hotter and hottest parts. You have to travel from hot >> hotter >> hottest.
———– - Common mistake 2 : Perhaps you did not kiss her the way a girl likes to be kissed. The way you kiss a woman tells her what kind of lover you’ll be in bed. Often, even if a girl has decided to go all the way with a guy, she changes her mind because of the way he kissed her. Here are some do’s and dont’s of being a good kisser.
———– - Common mistake 3 : Perhaps you got her all aroused with foreplay but then did not help her to express orgasm. That’s frustrating for women. A real man will never leave a woman sexually aroused and frustrated. Even if you don’t have intercourse with her, you should help her express orgasm using your fingers. You can even use your mouth if you’re sure there is no risk of disease.
———– - Common mistake 4 : Or perhaps you did not have good personal hygiene. Do you have bad breath or body odour? Both are common turn-offs for women. Or maybe you are not well-groomed. Perhaps your fingernails had jagged edges which bruised her delicate vulva during finger sex. Or maybe the salt or curry in the sweat on your fingertips left her with a burning sensation in her delicate vaginal tissues, and now she associates you with pain!
That’s why our workshops teach both, how to attract her outside the bedroom, and
how to rock her world inside.
Now you feel you have fallen in “love” with her and that she has “used” you.
Well, that’s not love. That’s a weird mixture of attraction + regret + obsession.
If you read this blog regularly you know that ALL men go through those emotions
when they screw up with a woman.
But cool men soon snap out of it and think, “hey, at least I learnt from the mistake, and
now I am better at attracting women than before. Let me go find another woman.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.”
While uncool men regret and obsess over the incident and the girl, and start doing uncool
things like getting into depression, ignoring their studies or careers, taking to alcohol and drugs,
or in extreme cases, they plot ways to hurt the woman physically.
Here’s a hint : the jails are filled with mostly uncool men.
Best thing for you to do is be a cool guy, learn the lesson, and move on. There are thousands
of single, beautiful women out there.
Hey Shiva, I recently went to a coaching classes to get the prospectus of certain course. I met a girl over there who was working as a assistant to help student get information. When she started talking to me, she seemed interested in me. So, for a change I started by asking her the review of Ek Tha Tiger which led to long conversation of movies between us. I also teased her once or twice and sometimes there were also moments of awkward silence between us. But after my discussion, I suddenly popped her the question of going out for a date and she bluntly refused. Shiva, I just wanna know where did I go wrong?
Rocky, Mumbai
***My response***
What you did wrong was asking her out directly for a “date”.
It made her uncomfortable.
Everyone knows that dating means doing something romantic or sexual.
Why would she do that with a man she barely knows?
Read this post to learn why women are not comfortable jumping into bed with a man.
For a woman, taking one giant step from A to Z is too much pressure.
She is more comfortable taking many baby steps A, B, C, D, E, F…before
she finally reaches Z.
Lead her through many little, low-pressure situations so that when you finally
go to kiss her, she sees it as a natural next step, not as a big jump.
For example, instead of directly asking her out you could have first exchanged
phone numbers*. Then, through sms messages you communicate that you’re a fun,
cool, guy. Then one day you could’ve mentioned that you’re going to buy some
shirts/shoes and ask her if she wants to help you pick some. When you’re done shopping
for shirts (even window-shopping is fine) and are walking towards the exit, say, “I have 10
minutes, lets grab a quick coffee”
And now you’re on the “date” that you wanted in the first place.
Women prefer it when something just happens naturally without too much planning.
Quick tip : Never call it a “date”. It puts too much pressure on her. Instead, call it “hanging out”.
Instead of “lets go on a date”, say “lets hang out”.
And here’s some deep level gyaan for you, from an evolutionary viewpoint. When you ask a girl out
after just a few minutes of conversation, here’s what she thinks at a subconscious level.
“Hmmm…he asked me out so quickly! He got impressed so soon? Without even knowing me well?
Perhaps he is desperate. Which means he doesn’t have many women in his life. Which means he is
probably a low-quality male. And a low-quality male is not good to have a baby with because he
won’t be able to feed and protect my baby or me. Which means both of us (my baby and me) could
end up sick and malnourished, and our survival skills would dip. We could even die or get killed!
If my baby dies, my genes would not be passed on. Even if my child survives, it could be malnourished
and have the genes of a low-quality male. Which makes it less likely for the child to grow up into a
strong, confident, beautiful person with high survival skills. So, rather than risk my genes and my life
by mating with a low-quality male, let me wait for a high-quality male to come along.”
Of course she is not thinking all that at a logical level, but at a deep inner level.
That’s why, when you interact with a woman, you have to present yourself as a high value
male. Right from the START, you have to let her know that you have options with women
and you’re choosy about the kind of women you hang out with.
* Even when you ask for her number, break it into more baby steps.
First do or say something to demonstrate high value.
Example: You could mention some cool event you’re going to (but DON’T invite her!).
Or you could lower her value a bit by teasing her about something.
Example : You could’ve said “So you’re a Salman Khan fan haan? No wonder you have
such masculine arms. I should get some body building tips from you”, and squeeze her arms.
Then say, you wish you had the time to talk but you have to go somewhere (or that your
friends are waiting). Turn around as if you’re walking away. Then turn back around and
THEN go for the number close.
Baby steps get them in, giant steps make them run.
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